My Sick Sanity
by Sweet Genocide
Summary: After settling down Kai finds he is unable to cope. The past haunts him and yet it is what he needs to survive. Feeling a part of him needing more then what he has now. Slowly he turn from  the unbreakable strong Russian to a mentally unstable.
1. Sinking Truth

**Summery:** After Boris finally has been stopped and the world is rid of his and others evil. Kai finds he is unable to cope. The past haunts him and yet the past is what he needs to survive. He feels a part of him needing more then what he has now. Slowly he's turning from what seems to be the unbreakable strong Russian to a mentally unstable.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own beyblade in any way besides the ones I bought from the store that is rightfully mine. This idea however is mine. I don't know if it's original but it is mine. The poem is also mine.

**Dedicated to my forever best friend** **Shuurei Kuragari.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 1 Sinking Truth**

Many would say the two toned blue haired Russian on the world famous beyblade team would never be weak. Those who believe that are completely true but things happen and as much as everyone and himself believe it. Kai is not invincible.

Kai was loosing himself and it was obvious to his team-mates. The BladeBreakers are at the moment stationed in Japan. Under Mr. Dickenson's request they start a Beyblade Training society.

Ray stared at Kai for the millionth time trying to figure out what was bothering their usually composed captain. Ray wanted to question Kai but he didn't want all of Kai's progress to be the victim. Kai has been more opened to them, not as loud and talkative as Tyson but he was making a great progress. He seems to be retreating back to his original self as the days progress. Ray was the first to notice but as the days grew the more BleadBreakers knew that something was wrong. Finally deciding to question Kai as soon as possible since it has also been effecting his game play.

They got their chance at lunch at Tyson's house after teaching the neighbour kids. Tyson was particularly quiet and it gave it away to Kai that something was up. Remain as he has not realized this he slowly ate the sandwich in front of him.

"There's something we need to ask you Kai." Ray stated finally breaking the silence.

Kai tensed but the action was unnoticed by the other teens. He calmly and casually replied, "What?"

The other looked at each other silently they decided Ray should tackle this mystery.

"You seem distracted lately. It's affecting your bladeing and you don't talk to us anymore. Kai, what's bothering you? It seems to have a big impact to you." Ray said with a calm and gentle voice.

Kai's mind exploded with thoughts so fast it gave him a headache. Their team-mates are right. Something has been bothering him. _They even realized my bladeing has been lousy._

"Nothing's wrong. I've just got a lot to think about."

Standing up quickly leaving the unfinished lunch he quickly headed to the door.

"I'm going out for a walk." With that he left.

_What is wrong with me?_ Kai thought as he sat on a grassy field looking into the lake ahead of him. Taking Dranzer out of his pocket he stared at it. _Dranzer's not responding to me. I can't communicate with her. It's like everything is cut off. Just when I was making progress to live a normal life.._

Kai stared down at his beyblade and willed Dranzer to reply. He willed her to answer her almost an order but not quiet.

"Dranzer…" he whispered. Silence was all he got. Sighing he returned in taking in the scene in front of him. The sun was shining high since it's only about 1PM.

Suddenly he pumped his legs harder on the cement floor as he speeds down the roads. He just felt the urge to run. Not going to question it he just kept going. Surprising many people he passes. Before they could make out who it was he was gone with only his white trailing scarf to remember him by. He felt his body starting to give but he urged it to go on a bit longer.

He slowed down finding himself by the sea. He slowed his heartbeat and breathing down as he gives his body a rest. He needed that. The run, the feeling of urgency, the wind gliding passed him.

"_Kai, what's bothering you?"_ Ray's voice haunted him. _I thought the run would clear my mind. …guess not._

Deep down Kai didn't want to emit it. He knows what has been bothering him and it's not something he should take lightly. Didn't want the others to be bothered by it, he tried to act normal but sometimes it was not possible. It was like a spider's web and Kai was the fly that was caught in it. It always lingered in the back of his mind. Looking out again as the scenery he returned the thought to the back of his mind.

_Now is not the time to be worrying about it._ Turning his back to the sea was a tough decision but he needed to start heading back or the others would be more worried. He didn't want to go back right now but he made his body to start the journey back to Tyson's house.

* * *

Unwilling to admit  
The truth will eat me alive  
What seems like a little whisper  
Is whispering louder then ever  
Forcing its way  
Making it clear  
While sneaking up slowly  
It gains strength  
Unable to stop it  
Unable to Ignore it  
To buy time  
Putting off the revolting feeling  
I know I have to face it soon  
I know I have to live it though  
Have to choose  
From wrong or right  
But how  
When wrong is right  
As right is wrong  
No answer is favoured  
And no answer is easy

* * *

It's suppose to be after G-Revolution. I hope you like it. PLEASE PLEASE review and help me make this story better. I use to write whatever is on my mind and words would flow smoothly. In this case I have the idea just not the mind. The poem took a while. I'm not completely pleased with it but I'm satisfied for now. 


	2. The Key and the Path with Addiction

Wow! I did not expect many reviews.

AUTHOR RESPONSE

**kavbj** Glad you think it's excellent. Thanks for you comment! It's greatly appreciated. I still think I can do better, but your persuading me in thinking it's not that bad!

**death**(anon.) Yes, I know Dranzer is a boy. There's many discussion about that. I realized it but majority of the fics I have read. Many authors state that Dranzer is a girl. Know I'm not saying their right, but after careful thinking. I decided to follow the other authors because to me Dranzer is like another side of Kai. It's my way of contrasting the characters. If you don't like it, sorry, but I'm sticking with my decision.

**Miako6** Here's Chap 2! I'll try to update regularly but it really depends on when the story writes itself. Thanks for your review!

**phoenix-falling** Updating D Thank for you review!

**DancerInTheDark101** Glad you like it! Spelling was never my forte but I'll try. Here's Chap 2!

**Mistress-of-eternal-Darkness** Wow, 'bout time you reviewed. Just kidding, it's my fault.

**xflightofthephoenix** I'll try to keep it updated regularly. Thanks for your complement!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own beyblade in any way besides the ones I bought from the store that is rightfully mine. This idea however is mine. I don't know if it's original but it is mine. The poem is also mine.

**Dedicated to my forever best friend** **Shuurei Kuragari.**

* * *

**  
Chapter 2 The Key and the Path with Addiction**

After Kai returned back to Tyson's house the other members ignored what happened during lunch and pretended everything was fine. Kai found that is exactly what he wanted and didn't bother to bring it up. It lasted the day which finally seem to end. As the BladeBreakers settled down to have a good night sleep the others just couldn't help but to glance at Kai before lying down and closing their eyes and falling in to a new world. Kai stared out the window and looked up at the sky before he decided that he needed a rest.

_Kai walked along the dark corridors. There was no end in sight and no beginning as well. With high hopes of understanding he walked on. There wasn't much to see as it was just cold brick walls over and over. The thick air was hard to breathe. It was unreal that such cold damp place and the air would be thick._

_The scenery finally had a change as he stopped as the path he walked branched three other ways. He didn't know where they lead as he looked down each of the new paths. They were all the same. Dark, cold, and endless. Well he had to pick a path to go. He couldn't just stand there. The choice wasn't too hard but somehow he knew the way to go. Deep down a gut feeling told him to go left. Left to find what he was suppose to see in coming here. Wanting to see what fate has to offer he headed left._

_Left didn't seem like it was a good choice as he kept walking with nothing changed. Getting a little bit now irritated as something caught his attention. There were voices. He could hear voices ahead of him. They were children voices._

'_Maybe there is something there that can help me figure out what fate wanted with me.'_

_With that determination he jogged up ahead and turned his head to the voices._

_Left_

_A child crying all covered in bruise sat in a cell._

_Right_

_Another child but unconscious dripping blood as he hang from the wall also in a cell._

'_What… what is this?'_

_The child on the left looked up and his crying stopped. He crawed to the bars separating himself from Kai. His dirty hands griped the bars tightly as he called._

"_Help. Your Kai right? Your Kai! I just know your Kai! You can help me right? You escaped once. You know the way out right? You can get me out of here right? You can help me, can't you?"_

_The boy said in a raspy voice and he started crying again as he smiled._

_Kai couldn't do anything. He just stood there. He just stared at the boy in front of him. The boy who was barely wearing anything and all covered in bruises. He was dirty and stunk as well. His face was innocent but it was full of fear, happiness and excitement. Kai found his voice first before he found motion to his body._

"_Where is this place? How do you know me?"_

_The boy was surprised by his reply but continued the conversation. This time more urgently._

"_You know where this is! You know that! Don't you know that? I know your Kai! You have to help me. You have to help me before they come back! I __**need**__ you! I need to know the way out!"_

_The boy was now reaching for Kai._

_Kai staggered back._

"_I… I can't help you. I don't know what your talking about. Your lying this can't be- no there is no way this is!"_

"_Please! __**KAI!**__ Help me please. Help me. Please I beg of you! I don't want to die. I don't want to die. You hear me. Don't leave, not without me. I don't want to die here. Your going to let me die aren't you? __**YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE ME TO DIE!**__"_

_The boy cried and screamed out. His face was full of anger. He was trembling and his eyes were blood shot._

_The screaming he did arouse the others around them. Only then did Kai realize down this path there were more and more cells and behind each of them was a child._

"_Kai…"_

"_He's Kai."_

"_Kai's here."_

"_He'll help."_

"_Kai knows how to get out."_

"_We can go back to our family."_

"_I won't die."_

_The voices all called out followed by hands reaching out of the cell. They reached out in high hopes of getting Kai._

_Kai started walking. He wanted to get out of here._

'_If this is what fate has for me then I don't want to see fate again!'_

_He was scared. He didn't know why. He was scared and he could feel the air become colder but he felt as he was on fire. As he pass cell after cell his pace became faster and faster. _

"_Come back Kai."_

"_Please you got to help me."_

_Kai ran with his head bent with his eyes closed. He wanted the voices to stop. It hurt him. He hurted so much just to listen to them. His eyes were full of tears._

'_Stop. Please stop. I can't help. I don't know how. Stop. It hurts so much. I'm sorry!'_

_There was just so much emotion running inside Kai. He wanted it out of this hell._

"_**STOP IT!!!**__"_

Kai's eyes flung open and just as quickly he sat on his bed. He rushed quietly out of bed and went to the bathroom. Closing the door just as quietly he griped the sink tightly and looked in the mirror.

He was a mess. His hair was wilder then ever, his face was sweaty, his breathing was hard. His eyes were puffy and seem to be more brighter red then normal. Groaning he turned on the tap to the coldest. He didn't want to think at the moment. He wanted his mind to be blank. Nothing. Not even white, just blank as if he was unconscious.

Splashing the freezing cold water on his face over and over. He didn't care if his hands were turning numb from the cold. He didn't care if his lips were starting to turn blue and his already pale face become paler. Finally had enough he turned of the tap and let the water from his face drip down into the sink.

_Why?_

That was the only question he had. Why… Why did his world have to be like this? Why does he have that gut feeling? Why! Drying his face he made his way to the kitchen to get himself a drink.

His eyes caught the glistening of the moon light on a knife. Some how he was just drawn to it as if it was calling for him. It was just so intense, so strong he couldn't fight it, but he didn't want to fight it. He wanted to know. He wanted to face it when his mind is mostly blank, when his face is cold, and when his hands are numb. Holding the smooth handle he examine the knife. It was a normal kitchen knife. One with that is sharp… very sharp. The cold blade electrocuted his arm as he held the blade on it.

_Do it!_

There's no fear.

_Do it!_

There's no turning back.

_Do it!_

He knows he needed it.

_o it! Do it! You need it. You want it. You can have it._

No hesitation as the feeling over whelmed him. He dragged the blade on his skin slowly welcoming the pain. Welcoming the dark liquid that is the same as his eye colour to ooze out. The voice in his mind started again.

_Enjoy it, smell it, feel it, hear it, taste it! Loose yourself in it._

He obeyed.

_**---Flash---**_

_A young boy screamed as a purple haired man slit his arm adding to the number of cuts he already had. Some healed some starting to heal and the others are just new. The boy screamed and cried. His eyes full of pain. His body numb; wet of blood and sweat. He wanted it to stop. He begged for it to stop between the screams and cries._

_**---Flash---**_

Tears fell but he just smiled. Kai simply didn't care.

* * *

An addiction  
Yet unknown to the beholder  
The past holds the key  
And the future is the door  
The present is the path  
And the addiction is the safety pack  
What lies in the pack  
Was for one to figure out  
Helpful or not  
Is for one to choose  
But focus  
Because the question will come and go  
If not realised the chance could be missed  
To answer the question  
In which will show the door  
But the colour of the door  
Is no choice  
Not yes or no  
It was neither  
For it was not for one to choose  
Blooming from the past  
And changes on the present  
So the addiction is the clue  
The choice that you made  
To be tied to the addiction  
Is really  
The key  
The door  
And  
The path

* * *

Ahh the poem sounds like a mess of words to me.

I hope this chapter still keeps you reading and for those who are joining us to keep wanting more. Next chapter will include the Demolition Boys/Blitzkrieg Boys. Tyson, Max, Ray and Kenny digs deeper in finding on what is bothering Kai. R+R!


End file.
